Metroid Jokes

That’d be great… if only one of us had thought to save the MSN logs. D’oh.

I suppose we could try and recreate it…

Well, basically, in response to my “power suit rangers” thing, Knuckle said we’d better run before Nintendo agents caught on to us and came after us. It evolved into a kinda MSN roleplay where we defeated the nintendo agents by humming the brinstar theme, overwhelming them with nostaligia and rendering them comatose. Then we discovered Nintendo had made thousands of systems already, and was holding them back from the public. So, we went to the Jetmobile (Pun intended :stuck_out_tongue:) and drove towards the Nintendo headquarters, then accidently ran over the CEO of Sony. Of course, Sony are our mortal enemies (not really, of course) so we rejoiced, until a Sony agent showed up, kicked our asses, and brought us to Sony HQ. We woke up in a cell, and found out that Sony was picking off game companies one by one - they already killed Sega and were propagandizing against Nintendo. We unsucessfully tried to escape until a green pipe shot up out of the floor and deposited Mario and Luigi in our cell. We thought they were there to rescue us for a second, until they attacked us for attacking Nintendo agents. Then, the cell door blew open and the SA-X strided in.

Missiles, fireballs, fat italian plumbers, and armored parasites flew everywhere as Knuckle and I took cover behind a crate for dear life. I spotted an emergency teleport button up the hall and hit it - we ended up back in the city. I found a PSP and used it to hack into Nintendo’s HQ database and teleport us some equipment - a Pokeball. Then Nintendo locked onto the signal and jammed the PSP. Then, we were attacked by another Sony agent, and nearly got our asses kicked, until I spontaneously turned into Mega Man (from the classic series) and blew him away. (I just thought of that off the top of my head during the RP as random humour.)

Suddenly, we were surrounded by Nintendo agents, and Dark Samus appears. I tried to use the pokeball, but it had a worthless Magicarp in it. (I wondered why the file had so low-level encryption…) We just keep getting fired at, and the situation gets worse and worse and worse until I find a DS-Pistol (It fires game cartriges XD) and use it to break a hole in the agents. I then throw a PSP at Dark Samus, and the inherant Sony energy containued within it hurts her serverely, forcing her to retreat. (AGH!! THE FIRE OF SONY!! IT BURNS!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!)

We run through the hole we blew in the circle of agents, which we now know thanks to a scan, are actually Ing-infested agents - Dark Agents. We run across a portal to the Dark World and leap through before the agents can find us, but end up on SR-388 during Metroid 2.

The place is full of metroids, so we try to find an ice beam and arm cannon, but end up falling into one of those Metroid-cocoon-skin-things. We’re glopped with Metroid amniotic fluid. Just then, the Metroid Queen lumbers into view, and backs us up against the wall. She then sniffs me, smells the Metroid amniotic fluid, then exclaims: SON!! (Yes, I stole that from Planet Zebeth (webcomic) :smiley:) The Metroid Queen tells us to go back to her lair for dinner (Solidified X-parasites, yum!), and Knuckle starts acting weird. He keeps saying he’s a Metroid, and I think he’s cracked.

Then Samus shows up, but Knuckle jumps on her and tries to suck her energy by biting her, emitting SKREE’s. I tell Samus not to mind him, he’s just gone screwy. Knuckle yells that he’s a Metroid, and I lose it. I yell out “YOU. ARE. NOT. A. FREAKIN’. METROID!!!” and kick Knuckle and the Metroid Queen. The Metroid Queen promptly chases me and tries to devour me, and Samus can’t help because she can’t get Knuckle off her (He’s STILL trying to suck her energy somehow…). I quickly yell out that I’ll give Knuckle a lifetime supply of X-Parasites if he lets go of Samus. It works, and Samus is free to engage. I quickly knock Knuckle behind a boulder and take cover as weapon fire starts to ricochet everywhere from the battle. I stand on Knuckle to keep him moving, and he starts trying to drain the energy from my foot. (QUIT BITING MY FREAKING ANKLE, KNUCKLE!!)

Samus comes back after defeating the Metroid Queen and gives me an antidote for Knuckle’s ailment, I administer it. However, then Samus is affected! She starts acting like a Metroid as well, but we hum the Brinstar theme and knock her unconcious with confusion. I drag her back behind the boulder and take the Arm Cannon off her suit. However, now Nintendo dark agents have appeared.

Thankfully, I’m good with the arm cannon (THANK YOU METROID PRIME!!) and manage to take out a few of them before laying down some covering fire and having Knuckle grab onto Samus and follow me. We duck into a cave and try to hide, but just before we go underground, we see the BSL station in the atmosphere, and it’s coming down. Samus’s ship - the one from Fusion - flies out of the BSL station. I surmise that we must have screwed everything up by coming here. The station’s impact with vaporize the surface, so we need to get underground. However, Samus wakes and tells us to use her gunship.

We take a shortcut through the caverns and manage to escape SR-388. However, that’s where it ends - I had to go after this point.

Awful involved for just a joking comment about a joke, huh? Amazing how things can evolve.

Here’s a little quote to liven up your days with a bit of humour:

Joey: All set to be fired?
Samus: Yep! Just hit the red button. I’ve programmed the rest already.
Joey: What, no countdown? Where’s the fun in that?
Samus: No. No countdown. Just push the button.
Joey: I think you need a countdown.
Samus: Just push the Goddamn button!
Joey: Teeeeen…
Samus: JOEY!
Joey: Niiinnee… Eiiightt…
Samus: Joey, push the button now…
Joey: Seeeeven…
Samus: … or I’ll get out of this tube…
Joey: Siiiix…
Samus: …AND SHOOT YOU WHERE IT DOESN’T GROW BACK!!!
Joey: FIVEFOURTHREETWOONEBYEBYE!! hits button

  • Metroid Third Derivative

Just something I’ve always wondered

Is the water poisoness because Flaahgra pisses in it all day?

No wonder it’s acidic… shudders