You Guys Aren't gonna believe this

So I was flying back from Uzbekistan back to the US of A right? Well bad news. The plane hit turbulence and broke into 3 pieces?! Good god! The plane crashed onto some weird island. There were what, maybe 48 survivors including me? At any rate, a few of us were trying to find the cockpit so we could use the radio and call for help. Unfortunately, we haven’t heard from them. In fact days later, a huge black smoke just flew to our camp and pretty much killed half of our group…

It’s been days, and we’re running out of options. If that black smoke monster comes back, then we’re all dead. Since we have nothing to do, we’ve been just randomly jacking off to a stack of porn magazines that we found in the plane cargo. Oh and this island apparently has wifi, so I’m able to get the word out to you guys.

So long story short, we need help!!! Send some helicopters and maybe even one of those ghosbusters vacuum things, so we can suck the black smoke monster a new pothole.