The formula for a bad commercial

Hi, I’m [name]! [question] [question] [question] [short, idealized explanation] [cliched “catchy” saying]

My brain explodes daily from being exposed to this kind of commercial.

Oh ya, and the ones that SCREAM REALLY LOUDLY.


Seriously, though, that seems to be the basic guideline for every single company. I swear, go to channel 8 (TV listings channel, plays advertisements) over here and within 20 seconds you WILL find one of these commericals. And not only that, but the people they hire to host these commericals seem like either A. Robots, B. Someone who’s been awake for 50 solid hours, C. Or someone who is blatantly faking enthusiasm. I can’t STAND it. Sure, there are a couple of good ones, but the rest are mindless, flat endorsements with cliched sayings that all follow the basic structure above as horrible elevator music plays in the background. ARGH!!!

Does anyone else despise these commericals with the same passion I do?

I usually just end up laughing at them. It’s funny how terrible they are.

Typical medication commercial:
happy background music plays
80-year-old man with a monotone voice: Hi, I’m Joseph Shmoesephsunderundergunderson. This is a new, scientific breakthrough, coming to you. It’s a new medication… And, it’s really great. It removes headache symptoms.
Terrible actor #1: I’ve been trying this lately whenever I get a headache, and it’s great! It’s really good! It added tons of value to my life, and I’m feeling so much more confident!
Terrible actor #2: Yes, this is a great new medication. It works 100% of the time.
Person that talks really quickly at the end of the commercial: Do not take if you have any sort of small pain in your left shoulder, if you are colorblind, if you have two legs, if you do not like cheese, if you have had any form of the flu virus sometime in the past, or if you play World of Warcraft more than three seconds every year. Possible side effects include headaches, migraines, nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, stupidity, loss of coordination, eye-twitching, muscle pains, extreme stomach cramps, death, heart-attacks, strokes, spontaneous combustion, the West Nile virus, and loss of appetite.
Back to Joseph Longname: So, if you find yourself having headaches, call your doctor now.
happy music comes to some sort of edited, cheesey ending

…Yeah. I’m bored right now.

It’s funny because right as I was reading that, I turned to look at the TV and I saw the same basic commercial.

Personally, it cracks me up how most of the time the side effects listed are worse than the symptoms it cures.

Maybe it just lets you forget about your headache by making you focus on your nonstop vomiting… hey, your head pain won’t be on your mind… <.<

Yeah, I know what you mean
(I won’t go into details but…)
Has anyone else seen that new medication for bladder control and the symptoms are bowel pains, constipation, bleeding… I’m not gonna go an farther than that

Ever wondered why so many ads say it’s not just ____, it’s ____!

not just a mint, it’s a tictac
not just cookies, they’re peek freens

Back with more in a bit…

Well, y’know, I generally don’t like commercials in general. I WANNA GET BACK TO __________, DAMNIT!

It’s actually to help differentiate their product from the others in customer’s minds - you see, they want you to think that it’s not just some regular old cookie that you see in a supermarket for two dollars a case, it’s a PEEK FREEN!

wtf is a peek freen?

It’s a cookie - shortbread with jam in the middle or something like that. I guess they don’t sell them where you are.

hm. sounds like a fig newton…

PLUS, for an added bonus, we’ll include a miniature insert product name here absolutely FREE! And if you call in the next ten minutes we’ll give you the insert an extra little pointless thing that slightly resembles the main product! A $936.78 not really value for only $19.95! This offer is not available in any store, so CALL NOW!”


I don’t mind these commercials at all, in fact I never see them. I respect that they are usually a n00b company just trying to do their best in this hectic, western world. And not even the small company commercials I respect them all, besides their product might be good no matter how bad the commercial is…


I do love peek freens. The ones with the good stuff in the middle.

Yeah, I understand and sympathise with low-budget buisnesses just trying to pull in some customers inexpensively, but the way they do it is RIDICOULOUS. I mean, even a low budget company can do better than following a mind-numbing, stupid guideline with a half-dead person as the most annoying music ever plays in the background.

Bad sound quality I can understand.
SOME bad elements of a commerical I can understand.
SOME bad acting I can understand.
SOME bad music I can understand.

But this is absolutely ridicoulous!!